Posted by: Brenda Kula | August 19, 2008
I’m about to have my second large cup of coffee for the day (and it’s just two o’clock!). So I feel the guilt I would think alcoholics are prone to when contemplating that second drink of the day. (Caffeine is one of my very best friends! A big red mug, two packets of Splenda sweetener please, a little half and half, and then to top it off for us sweet-toothed women with growing mid-sections, a little flavored Coffee Mate (sugar-free, naturally.)
Speaking of alcohol, my neighbor fell after she’d had “a few” last week, and had to have surgery to lessen the swelling and blood inside her brain. Poor thing. She’s rather elderly. And lonely. With a husband who seems more interested in the tv remote (can any woman out there relate?) And so she was found late at night, finally, in a heap on the floor of her cement garage, surrounded by the rain that had been driving northward in sheets all evening. She’s small and fragile-looking. And was always wringing her hands over something. One of those types you feel sorry for, but run into the house when you see them walking down the street. Isn’t that utterly abominable? I know…
Okay, on that guilty note I up-ended and drank the last of that cup…
Anyway, she’s still in the hospital. She may not make it. And I’m telling myself: “why didn’t you take more time with her?” (Though she was one of those sorts who would have you doing everything in the world for her if given the opportunity. And I don’t mean helping a little. I mean every little thing.) Why didn’t I try and match her up with a good volunteer organization so she could find something to do with her time?
But then, we all did do that. And it didn’t do any good…
Alcohol is a drug, is a drug, is a drug. I can’t count how many times in my life I’ve been embarrassed by a friend or a relative or a spouse due to their having a “few too many.” I have seen it ruin countless lives. And unfortunately not just theirs. But their loved ones as well in the process.
Far better to go on to the doctor and ask for something to cope with the anxiety than to prescribe for one’s self by the glassful, in my humble opinion. Far better to think twice before having that second or third glass of wine because it makes one less inhibited and more social, before you get behind the wheel and run someone over in your blurred state. And ruin your life as well as theirs.
I know this is not where you want to read about these things. I keep telling myself to start another blog about all my ponderings on the ills of society. So that you can at least see these dialogues coming before you click on the pretty photo and find yourself immersed in some tale of woe.
I apologize for this treatise of which I am no authority whatsoever. I guess I just wanted someone, somewhere, if she doesn’t make it…to realize that we knew. And still, we did nothing sufficient to help her. Because she refused to help herself and wouldn’t let us.
And now I sit here, rain again throwing itself in sheets across my window, wondering what caused her to feel like alcohol was her friend and not her enemy. And wonder what, if anything, I might have done to make a difference.
Posted in Daily Thoughts
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I love my coffee also.
Very powerful post. I feel terrible for your neighbor and I also feel very sad. Sad, that she refused to help herself and wouldn’t seek help. It almost sounds like she had given up on anything that could make a difference in her life. I’m not an expert but from what I have heard, that is a very difficult addiction to break. I will keep her in my prayers.
take care of your self.
By: Barb on August 19, 2008
at 3:32 pm
By: Lynn @ theVintageNest on August 19, 2008
at 3:50 pm
I’m sorry to hear about your neighbor.
By: Pat on August 19, 2008
at 4:44 pm
I have known a few sweet little old ladies like that too and like you (guilt ridden) I run the other way ,one in particular I still feel guilt ( the old I should of I could of but didn’t)when she passed away to make amends from my heart to hers I went to her funeral, we were less than a dozen people including her family, no one stood up to say a eulogy so I did and I told about her life story as I knew it because her daughter was my best childhood friend she also was passed away she was hit by a train if you can imagine that tragedy.It was just so sad heart breaking really.
Take her some flowers and stay and chat with her in the hospital you will feel better if you do.
Diane
By: Diane ( Crafty Passions) on August 19, 2008
at 5:36 pm
By: Judy on August 19, 2008
at 6:00 pm
By: deb on August 19, 2008
at 6:16 pm
Jan
Always Growing
By: Jan on August 19, 2008
at 6:18 pm
By: perennialgardenlover on August 19, 2008
at 7:18 pm
Thank you for the reminder to simply be kind. But no one can save another. That’s God’s job. No one helps or hinders another from drinking. We all make our own choices.
I love your thoughtful posts; they make me think, and you sometimes speak my heart, too.
xxxooo
By: CurtissAnn on August 19, 2008
at 7:43 pm
You have certainly given us all something to think about.
Please don’t feel guilty about what has happened to your neighbor. Alcoholism is a disease…and very hard to cure. A person has to want help.
You sound like such a sweet thoughful person.
Hope you have a great day,
Diane
By: Diane@A Picture is worth…. on August 19, 2008
at 7:59 pm
By: Jane Marie on August 20, 2008
at 9:03 am
I’m sorry to hear about your neighbor. Sometimes, despite how hard a person can try to “do” for another, it will never help unless that other person is willing to help his/herself.
I hope she pulls through.
By: Alisa on August 20, 2008
at 9:32 am
Gretchen
By: Gretchen on August 20, 2008
at 10:07 am
Your poor little neighbor was coping the way she knew how. Some people turn to alcohol, some to other drugs. We can’t really help them until they decide to love themselves and get what help they need. You are so right. Alcohol is a drug..a destructive life damaging drug. I wish more people understood that. Just my two cents!
By: Betty @ She’s Sew Pretty on August 20, 2008
at 12:31 pm
Your poor little neighbor was coping the way she knew how. Some people turn to alcohol, some to other drugs. We can’t really help them until they decide to love themselves and get what help they need. You are so right. Alcohol is a drug..a destructive life damaging drug. I wish more people understood that. Just my two cents!
By: Betty @ She’s Sew Pretty on August 20, 2008
at 12:31 pm
Your poor little neighbor was coping the way she knew how. Some people turn to alcohol, some to other drugs. We can’t really help them until they decide to love themselves and get what help they need. You are so right. Alcohol is a drug..a destructive life damaging drug. I wish more people understood that. Just my two cents!
By: Betty @ She’s Sew Pretty on August 20, 2008
at 12:31 pm
By: Patti on August 20, 2008
at 10:49 pm
I also love coffee. I drink mine with Splenda, a little half’n’half, and a tad of Coffee Mate hazelnut powdered creamer (not sugar-free, though it should be).
By: Renna on August 20, 2008
at 11:23 pm
The sad truth is most of us avoid our neighbors. I avoid mine across the street because he likes to discuss his sex life and he talks non-stop every time we walk out the front door. He is one that I don’t feel sorry for, although I’m always cordial.
You can’t help that woman. She can only help herself. I hope she lives to learn something from this and moves on from her life with that husband of hers, but since she is elderly I suppose she won’t or can’t. The sad truth is that alcohol doesn’t kill, people kill themselves or others out of stupidity. Drink, but drink safely, occasionally and wisely. I wish everyone followed those rules.
hugs,
rue
By: rue on August 21, 2008
at 8:09 am